Thomas Paine had it right

These are the times that try (wo)men's souls...I think I'm going to have a lot of difficulty and indigestion over the latest "new" version of our org chart.  The position I had that was deemed no longer necessary, hence my demotion to the one and only position offered to me, is now filled by someone with no experience.  And my current position has been reclassified to a lesser status (at least there's no loss of funds this time, that's the positive).  Can I swallow it, suck it up AGAIN?  I don't honestly know because this time it's really insulting. 

I don't know if it's just this agency or if it's Texas that accepts this kind of thing as "business as usual.  It's probably just the latest version of Texas backroom politics...the good ol' boy (girl) system at it's finest.  It will do no good to voice complaint.  That will only serve to draw that target on my back bigger and more well-defined.

It's not only the change in status, but the job itself is designed to make me fail or at least cause me great distress.  No other supervisory person had this kind of dramatic change.  I'm the only one now expected to travel from East to South to West.

but as Thomas Paine went on to say, 

Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have
this consolation with us, that the harder the confli...ct, the more
glorious the triumph.

Now where did I store that coat of mail?

Senator Whitmore is at it again.  (Must be time for him to run for office again.)  I don't object to an agency watchdog, but the attack dog is another story.  I remember watching the committee hearings last time and sitting mouth agape as he attacked even the detractors of the agency.  Talk about a sense of entitlement!  I'm not sure I have the energy to do this again.  I talked to several "old timers" today and they all looked somewhat bedraggled already and it hasn't yet begun.  All I ask for is 2 years to go!

On the other front, being ethical isn't always accepted either.  I challenged one of my coworkers to stand up and do the right thing and report that one of her staff was complaining of sexual harassment.  She decided to encourage the victim to leave the agency and denied knowing anything about the complaint.  I've tried for a week now to report it in person and the bosses aren't around.  Thanks again, Senator Whitmire!

a note on fairness and entitlement

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a home where the expectation was that "all men are created equal."  (More later on why unfortunately that phrase DOESN'T include women.) There was a constant jarring of my senses when mother and I would go downtown shopping (there weren't yet shopping malls or suburbs in Austin) at the Scarborough department store.  One time a salesperson went apoplectic when I drank from the water fountain with the "Colored" sign near it (I was five years old).  In my high school years it was a time when other kids referred to the Agudas Achim synagogue as "The Church of the Burning Bush." 

A few days ago, I was going to lunch (alone) and looking for a parking space in Capitol Plaza  (love those Amaya's platters!)  I saw someone from work (of a different ethnic background) walking towards the Cici's Pizza, so I waved.  She looked startled.  As I came around the next row of parking spaces, I watched her get back into her car, talking to herself, with an expression like you get when something is unexpectedly sour.  After lunch, I went by her office.  She wasn't there but on her desk was a drink and crumpled bag from a nearby fast food place.  Draw your own conclusions!

Here's my question.  What would happen if I had done the same thing?

I've come to realize...

that there are a very few people who will talk to me.  But when they do, I often get the comment that I have an interesting life.  I think I'd describe it more as finding life interesting.  I love to tell a good story...like the time I was car dancing in the parking lot when I couldn't seem to get my right leg to come with me, or when I watched a new hiker step off the side of a mountain.  Stuff like that happens all around us if we pay attention and live fully in the moment.  I guess it also helps to have grown up with Uncle Steve sharing his storytelling adventures about hog calling and making up words.  I think that's why I enjoy Ellen DeGeneres so much with her take on everyday happenings.

Sometimes I wonder, is it that many of the folks around me have such expanded egos that they believe only they have the talent or knowledge or whatever it is?  Do they think I have nothing to add?  Does it not matter that I have lived a full life in many locales or that I have a fully functioning brain?  Or maybe I'm just an easy target for ridicule?

I don't think my childhood equipped me for life with people.  Being mocked by your own family isn't much of a confidence-builder, I must admit.

State Agency Shenanigans

Working for the Great State has its quirks, to say the least. As a teenager, I was well aware of the Back Room and the realities that place was the only way to make things happen. Now it seems the Back Room is denied but still running in all its splendor. I'm not sure if that means our politicians are more sophisticated or just better at disguising their deals as Public Service. Whichever, it only benefits those who Know Someone and they protect that status at all costs. Rightsizing, it was called, but now the new jobs are filled without a posting or with a posting but no interviews. Those who were Rightsized aren't considered for these jobs unless absolutely necessary (read as Highly Visible).

When I first began my employ at the Agency, the top Executive knew everyone by name (and there were thousands of everyones). Now, the Chief is rarely seen and only in the company of a selected few. She's walked past me many times without speaking, even asking directions once and never bothering to introduce herself.

The attitude pervades at all levels. No longer is there respect for managers and supervisors. There is little evidence of internal recruiting. Of course, I noticed signs of this attitude and its acceptability early on when I returned to the Great State after almost 20 years away. And it grows day by day. No regard for the human-ness of workers, or the children in our care. Those children have received consideration of their humanity only with Federal Intervention.